Grimm’s Snow White (Video 2012)

A little side project/extension of my Baking Through Disney project is looking at some adaptations (if available) for certain Disney movies/stories.  Kicking the project off was Disney’s first feature film, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.  Of course, before I tackle anything else, I’d like to give an Asylum’s take on it.  Why? Because we already know its going to not be good and if anything, I can get a good laugh out of it, hopefully….

Grimm’s Snow White (Video 2012)

grimm's snow white

Director: Rachel Goldenberg

Cast: Eliza Bennett, Jane March, Jamie Thomas King, Otta Jankovich, Sebastian Wimmer

When the King is killed by ferocious reptile beasts, his Queen takes control of the kingdom. She tries to kill her beautiful stepdaughter Snow, but she escapes into the enchanted forest. – IMDB

 Oh..Asylum…what am I going to do with you? Right about now, Asylum really doesn’t have anything going for it but still we all go into this Shitfest quality material ready to just bash it to pieces and laugh at these weird takes on whatever movies they are basing it on. I would love to say that Grimm’s Snow White is any different but with a poster looking like that, it really had nothing going for it. And no, for some of you who look for say sexy ladies and boobs, there is none of that here.

***Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers (if it matters to you)***

grimm's snow white

Grimm’s Snow White have a few twists.  Snow White isn’t a scullery maid.  She was sent off to a convent to become a nun.  Its outside of the kingdom and she only came back when her father dies and that’s why she becomes fairer than her stepmother.  Talking about the fairest thing, that mirror chant is so horrible and she repeats it over and over and over again.  Also, the Stepmother sleeps with her hunstmen, or we can assume that.  Why do I say men, you ask, because there are multiple.  Its how she puts them under her spell to do things like, kill Snow White for her.  The Huntsman has a little back story with where he has a son.  The Queen also has ugly dogs that are completely CGI and huge.  They have some intense killer senses that know exactly where Snow White is and they are her backup plan.  It seems they have regenerating heads (unless I was so bored I started imagining it).

grimm's snow white

In this version, the Prince is from the neighboring kingdom where the boundaries are adjacent to each other.  He does make a bigger appearance because he meets Snow White at the her father’s funeral where he inappropriately asks for the “mourning” Queen’s hand in marriage to strengthen their kingdoms which she doesn’t accept (but doesn’t refuse either).  I know I know, WTF, right? Then he sees Snow White and gets incredibly attracted to her and asks proposes to her shortly afterwards.  Tsk tsk tsk! And of course, he contradicts himself about that because one moment he’s like, “I have to make the right choice for the kingdom. Who cares about love?” and then the next he’s like, “I want to marry for love.” *ahem* And that’s when I’m like, “I don’t care if you marry for love, just make up your damn mind and stop wasting my time.”

grimm's snow white

Grimm’s Snow White has this lady as the Queen and she’s against the mystical creatures: elves and dragons, that live on her land so they seek sanction on the Prince’s lands.  Except, he rules a puny land compared to hers.  Instead of dwarfs, we have the elves who decide to go to war with the Queen and whatever.  There’s one elf that’s kind of like a half born and apparently that’s a horrible and disrespected thing.  It screams a little of Hogwarts world right there.  Oh right, the war.  It was hilarious because it was like 8 elves fighting against the Queen’s 25 soldies.  I can’t remember the details anymore.  It was about 2 weeks ago that I saw this.  Honestly, it was really boring and I fell asleep once or twice.  There was a lot of contradicting things and the twists were pretty stupid.  It was all to be expected though.

Netflix had this and Snow White and the Huntsman.  I was positive this would be a fail so I figured if I saw this first and then saw Snow White and the Huntsman, then Kristen Stewart might appeal to me more.  It hasn’t because every time I want to turn on that movie, I just go and watch one of my expiring movies instead… Anyways, Grimm’s Snow White was really bad.  Just stay away from it.  Promise me you will… Or else your eyes might roll out of your head.  Here’s hoping you lovely people will listen to me 😉