Last weekend was fun because of my family and friends. Heading back into reality on Sunday was a tough one. It was full of thoughts and reflections that I had pushed to the back of my mind. I was supposed to post about it during the week but I felt like it was too heavy plus I haven’t figured out how to word it.
**I’m going to try to put it out in a more positive way since I want to keep these personal blogs light and fun! If you don’t want to read about it, thats okay..at least check out the vids that I’m sharing, packed with music and motivation :)**
Work has really been on my mind lately. I hate that it carries into my personal life especially when it invades my weekends and depreciates my own self-worth immensely. I’ve been on a constant search and reflection to find something that I will feel is my career and my dream and not just a simple job. Do you get what I mean? Something that I’m passionate about. I chose my field because I had to think about reality and (a better chance of)work stability.
When I see these independent YouTube artists doing what they love, it really makes me happy, especially because they are seriously talented. Like I supported Sam Tsui’s first independent album, and I’m hoping it’ll come in the mail soon.
Or someone like Green River Ordinance who went back to doing what they felt was right for them and going independent!
Its mostly because I want to find something better that I’ve been getting myself involved in getting a certification to teach English as a second language. Its always been something I wanted to do back when I felt started university. Second, I aim to finish up my piano and eventually maybe do some teaching as well. I just have certain skills to improve before I feel that I’m fit to be a good teacher. I’ve been discussing it with my boyfriend and he urges me that maybe I should look into baking: something that I’ve thought about as well. I’ve even thought about putting those health and training knowledge and strengthening it to become something a certified personal trainer.
There is a world of options, choices and paths out there and for me, its just finding that one that I want to do, because I sure don’t want to stay in the rut I’m in. What I need now is to make a decision, find the courage to not regret and work hard towards it. I know once I start, I won’t turn back because thats who I am. All I know is that I’d like to incorporate something that makes me happy to wake up for in the morning!
That would feel like Paradise, right? Tiesto & Dyro’s new song is exactly that! It always makes me feel better to listen to some electronic music 🙂
With that said, piano and English training is really taking up a lot of time. However, I’d like to complete them this year or be ready by early next year to take the piano exam. That was what prioritized over Dragonboat. This week, we had a Chinese festival, the dragon boat festival which commemorates a loyal scholar who sacrificed his life and this is what leads to the dragonboat competitions that we have now. Dragonboat really is my motivation. If life wasn’t so busy, I would never have dropped it to part-time. Just look at the inspiration and spirt of it! Thanks to my awesome coach for sharing this with the team!
This may not be everyday life, but character is shaped out on that boat and I bring everything with me every day of the week
He captured it all in that video! Just a little bit of sharing and possibly promoting dragonboat. Even watching a race feels awesome but being a part of it feels even better! My motivation to pull everything together so that I can get back out there to all my practices. At least I know I’m working hard training on my own to make sure I don’t fall behind.
This has been a scattered post full of my feelings about this week. I’ve pretty much spent this past week in depression. Trying hard to pull myself out of this deep, dark hole and I just keep falling back in. To think that I had spent so many years working hard to stay positive and being trapped in something that has eventually made me so negative that I’m cracking under its heaviness made me realize that change has to happen really soon! I never back out when I have hard times but sometimes, maybe its better to know when to stop a bad thing and find something that attributes more positive. As I work towards climbing back out, I know that I’m ready to build up my future stronger and find a better path! How I live my life is my choice and I want to have it with more smiles and positivity!
I mean, who likes to hang around with a depressed grouch (or a crying mess), right? I’m not going to let anything do that to me, I promise! I’m climbing out slowly…just give me some time.
Just curious (to those who have followed me a bit or a while): What would you think I’d be good at? Maybe your objective mind will give me something I haven’t thought of 🙂
30km bike ride here I come! Have a fantastic weekend!!!!
Tomorrow, I’ll have a special Father’s Day post! 🙂 If you’re not too busy celebrating with your loved ones, drop by and check it out!